Marriage is already a beautiful mix of two people’s personalities, routines, and quirks. Add two completely different cultures into the mix—and suddenly, communication isn’t just about talking. It’s about translating the little things: habits, humor, tone, values. And doing it every day.

I’m Indonesian. My husband is Mexican. And after living in Indonesia, Mexico, and now Spain, we’ve had our fair share of oops, “what do you mean?”, and silent treatments. But somehow, through all of it, our connection has grown stronger.

Here are five communication tricks that help us not just survive, but thrive in our intercultural marriage.

1. We Learned Each Other’s Language—Imperfections and All

We don’t have to be grammatically perfect to understand each other. But we did realize early on that being native speakers didn’t make us good teachers. So after we got married, we each decided to officially learn the other’s language.

I took Spanish classes at an institution in Mexico while practicing in real life—like buying veggies and chicken at the mercado. My husband joined free Indonesian classes offered by the embassy.

At home, we mostly speak English. But since it’s not our native tongue, we often forget words mid-sentence. That’s when his understanding of Indonesian helps. I can switch and still deliver the message with zero drama.

It’s not about fluency—it’s about effort.

2. We’re Always Upgrading Ourselves

Before marriage, I made a promise to myself: I wouldn’t let my world shrink to just house chores. I’d keep learning, growing, and being someone my partner could talk to about anything.

And I’m glad to say—we both do this. We read, listen, watch, ask questions. We might not have political science degrees, but that doesn’t stop us from debating Indonesian or Mexican politics over coffee.

Our conversations are never boring, because we both bring fresh perspectives to the table.

3. We’re Each Other’s Best Friends (Even When We’re Annoyed)

Being far from our families made us lean on each other even more. And that built trust—and the freedom to say anything, even the tough stuff.

I’ve told him my honest feelings, even when they’re about him or his family. And he always hears it from me first. We’re respectful, of course—no yelling, no cursing. Just openness.

It’s not about always agreeing. It’s about knowing we have a safe space with each other.

4. We Always Resolve Conflicts Before the Day Ends

I used to do the silent treatment thing (yeah, that cold war move). But over time, we saw how it solved nothing.

So we made a pact: no matter how trivial the argument, we resolve it before bed. That doesn’t mean we rush—it means we give each other time and come back to the table when emotions settle.

Sometimes he waits for me to cool down. Sometimes I go to him. And when the silence lasts a bit too long, one of us always makes the first move.

It’s not about who’s right—it’s about moving forward, together.

5. We Choose Positive Judgement First

Many conflicts in marriage don’t start with actions—they start in our minds. Second-guessing, overthinking, assuming the worst. We try not to do that.

When I’m deep in work mode and can’t do the bedtime routine like I said I would, he doesn’t complain or accuse. He just handles it. Because he trusts I’m caught up in something important—and he’s right.

We try to assume the best in each other. That trust makes everything else easier.

---

Our marriage isn’t some romantic drama. It’s a simple, peaceful rhythm full of tiny gestures that speak volumes.

We don’t have a chore chart. We just wake up and naturally fall into our flow—he makes the coffee, I make the breakfast. On chaotic mornings, he’ll make his own breakfast without saying a word.

He reminds me to take my medicine because he knows I’ll skip it. I make him congee the second he sneezes.

It’s those small acts of love, done consistently, that hold us together. And it’s those moments—quiet, ordinary, full of care—that make this life with him feel like home.